after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
