Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
