so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
