Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
