his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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