how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
