If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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