I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
