my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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