She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
