She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
