Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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