rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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