Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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