I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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