So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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