Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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