I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
