I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
