I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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