We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
