My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
