i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
