Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize