i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You left your phone here
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