You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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