Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
