what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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