dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
