i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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