Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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