I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
