just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
