and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
