I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
