He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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