Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
