she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
