I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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