Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
