I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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