Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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