Don't you send me to vm
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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