Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
