NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
