Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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