It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
