This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize