I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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