I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
