o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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