my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Let's get the cat blown out
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
