ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
