i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
