How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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