youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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