hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
