forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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