He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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