so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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