maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
