Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
