get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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