they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
