you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
