Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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