Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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