Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
