I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
