I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
