Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
