idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
