Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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