I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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