A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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